DRUGS. A subject near and dear to my heart…truth be told, if I had my way I’d be writing this sitting next to my own personal MORPHINE drip…hitting that button right now…sigh…

So like: not all drugs are bad…I mean, I take a bunch of stuff for my various ailments. I take drugs for Asthma; Motrin and Gabapentin for my back issues…I’ve got allergies…and I have Diabetes, too!

Drugs get a bad rap. I mean, okay, there are certainly bad drugs like meth, crack, coke and heroin –– but that’s not what I’m talking about. We’ll save that for another time. No, I’m talking about PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.

History will show that the new meds prescribed today are no more effective than the old drugs which have already been on the market for decades. In fact, most of them have way, way worse side-effects. Especially if it’s a newly patented drug invented to replace the older med when the patent is expiring. Then you know it’s ineffective and dangerous.

And that whole opioid crisis is another matter entirely. I’ll feel a whole lot better about that when they start locking up all the doctors who over-prescribed those fuckers! OxyContin was aggressively marketed to doctors by Purdue Pharma – many of whom were taken on lavish junkets to exotic places and paid big bucks to give talks on the drug – while patients were told the pills were a reliable long-term solution to chronic pain. In some cases they were offered coupons for a month’s free sample!

My dad was a pharmacist – he owned a friggin’ pharmacy, okay?! So I grew up with the notion that THERE IS INDEED A PILL FOR EVERY ILL. I still believe that for the most part.

But the vast majority of drugs created over the last 3 decades are worse than the shit we had back when I was growing up. You’ve all seen those TV commercials where half the fucking ad is taken up listing the adverse side effects, right? It’s downright comical.

‘New and improved‘ only seems to apply to the vastly increased profit margins of the drug companies for marketing these toxic chemicals to unwitting patients.

But alas, the FDA no longer plays an active role in drug development or in regulation of the safety and effectiveness of new drugs. It could be put to useful work researching older drugs that are no longer widely used. Some of them are surely better alternatives than the ones currently being peddled in massive numbers to the unwashed masses.

The other big secret is that generic drugs are mostly ineffective. Back in the day, my dad – the pharmacist – insisted that patients should always ask for name brand meds instead of generics, because although the formula is technically the same – the way the drugs metabolize in your system is quite different, and therefore people are only getting about 60% of the actual dose because it isn’t being properly absorbed into the bloodstream.

It seems to me a lot of America’s health issues could be related to the fact that the medications people take are not really doing the job, even when taken properly. 

But you don’t even get the choice anymore at the pharmacy. They just automatically give you the generics…I don’t think a lot of insurance companies will pay for brand name products anymore…you probably need a note from your doctor now or something. Otherwise they will consider it “drug-seeking behavior!”

Just for shits & giggles I did a quick search of some of the more unusual side effects of some of these awful drugs:

Vasotec is used to treat high blood pressure and heart failure. But it can also take away your sense of smell.

Mirapex: prescribed for Parkinson’s disease or restless leg syndrome…causes compulsive behavior such as gambling, binge drinking, binge shopping and even hypersexuality. So that’s a perfectly acceptable side effect if you’re a nymphomaniac or something, otherwise, not so much. “Blame the gambling and whore-mongering on MIRAPEX, honey, not me…”

A drug called Xeloda can make your fingerprints disappear. So that’s really good news if you’re like a burglar or something…but not so good for identification purposes, maybe…

I use an Advair inhaler for my Asthma. One of the side effects listed on Advair’s website is asthma-related death. Like, WTF? Seriously?

Ambien is a heavy-duty sleeping pill and it does a pretty good job of knocking you out stone cold…it was Tiger Woods’ drug of choice, don’t forget…I took them for a while myself – and you take one and there is no way you can stay awake…if you take two and YOU TOTALLY BLACK OUT. Ambien can also cause severe sleepwalking; which means anything from sleep driving to sleep eating to “sexsomnia”…like suddenly you wake up in the middle of a giant zombie sex orgy or something…but maybe you’re also taking Mirapex, so it’s like, OK…

Humira: Serious infections have happened in people taking HUMIRA. These include tuberculosis and infections caused by viruses, fungi, or bacteria that spread throughout the body…as well as rare forms of Lymphoma. So, ASK YOUR DOCTOR, right? Like, Give me the drug that causes cancer and TB!!! I’m feeling lucky today, doc!

And some of these names are just ridiculous: Farxiga, Avandia, Horizant, Xgeva, Yervoy, Victrelis,  Zytiga, Avycaz, Farydak, and Prezcobix, Zarxio, Moxifloxacin.

I mean, come on. Where do they come up with this shit?

“Ask your doctor…” my ass! You shouldn’t ask your doctor for prescription medications. In civilized countries – those with universal healthcare – a team of doctors make the decision for you. You don’t need to ask for anything…you simply let the doctors do their job! Simple.

And then there’s Viagra. The poor bastards who suffer from ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION can experience various side effects when taking this drug, from dizziness to headaches to nosebleeds to PRIAPISM, which is an erection lasting more than 4 hours…!

An erection lasting more than four hours? Fuck, if that’s true I had the world’s longest case of recorded Priapism. Apparently, I suffered from this disorder my entire adult life – from the time I was about 13…until just last year, unfortunately…