So the competitors and commentators alike kept talking about how ‘different’ the snow at the Beijing Olympics was this year, and how the unusual properties of the powder made it harder than usual for the competitors to come to grips with.

Well now that the 2022 Olympics are finally over, the truth can be told:

That snow was man-made, literally...but it wasn’t snow. It was 50 years worth of cremated ashes from the bones of political dissidents!

The ever-resourceful Chinese put them to good use, at least…those mountains were COVERED in the stuff…

[…cough…the sound of crickets…]