[Authorized GOP Propaganda ministers are encouraged to incorporate as many elements listed below as possible].

FULL SCREEN: Black background

Unflattering images of target [FEMALE GOVERNOR] laughing demonically and/or pointing finger – on endless loop.

Eyes have been replaced with lizard eyes, and they are RED.

When she opens her mouth, BLOOD drips off of her teeth

Tongue is GREEN

IN LOWER RIGHT HAND CORNER: 2 or 3 mug shots of really scary-looking COLORED PEOPLE

At least ONE mug shot must contain scary-looking hoodlum with TATTOO ON FACE

Skin tone DARKENED at least 25% [current GOP standard]

Script [do not deviate!]

VOICE OVER: “[FEMALE GOVERNOR] has been lying to you. Ever since she was a child prostitute she has been SOFT ON CRIME. Last year, [FEMALE GOVERNOR] personally released thousands of hardened criminals from [insert your state here] PRISONS. Her administration cut the prison population by 26%. She personally hand-picked who would be released!

BACKGROUND: shifts to stock footage of audio wave file

Text in COURIER NEW font across top left-hand side of screen:

Transcript of [FICTIONAL] conversation, typed over garbled, incomprehensible dialogue:

[FEMALE GOVERNOR]: “I am the governor and I hereby demand the immediate release of several of your most hardened criminals..!”

UNIDENTIFIED DUTY OFFICER: “Oh, I don’t think I can do that Governor [FEMALE GOVERNOR]! It would be wrong! If I release these hardened criminals early, they might try to go back and hunt their prey and kill again..!”

[FEMALE GOVERNOR]: “Do it!”

UNIDENTIFIED DUTY OFFICER: “Okay, if you insist, Governor [FEMALE GOVERNOR]…but I don’t know about this…”

[FEMALE GOVERNOR]: “Okay, I have a list: I demand you release ‘Stabby’ Joe Parker, Billy ‘RAPER’ McGee, ‘The Widowmaker,’ Pablo Sanchez Garcia, Miguel Noseeum, Willy Horton, Akmed Mujahedeen, Ali Alibaba…and COPKILLA! Where’s COPKILLA? I want COPKILLA back out on the streets within 24 hours..!”

Scene Shifts to: 2 GRUESOME INMATES face each other in their cells. They converse through the bars:

Inmate #1: “Wow, Carlos paid $269 bucks to have his name legally changed to COPKILLA…”

Inmate # 2: “Man, that’s baaaad…” [He looks directly at the camera as it zooms into the expression of shock and horror on his GRUESOME face].

[slow zoom out]

VOICE OVER, as they stare at each other, shaking their heads in disbelief:

“How can we allow [FEMALE GOVERNOR] to continue to terrorize our citizens when she HASN’T EVEN DONE HER WOMANLY DUTY YET?” We can’t trust a governor who has no children…besides, she’s a woman, and that should be reason enough to scare the BEJESUS out of you. Rid the planet of this monster on November 8.”

IN BOLD COURIER NEW font, at bottom of screen: “[FEMALE GOVERNOR]: SOFT ON CRIME.”

FADE OUT TO HORROR MOVIE ORGAN NOTE WITH SOUNDS OF SCREAMING CHILDREN IN THE BACKGROUND

[Feel free to cut and paste any of the above elements to create your own personalized attack ad. If you have any further questions, contact your local GOP or the national GOP office in Washington, DC at our secret underground hardened bunker. Call for location].