Donald Trump announced on Friday that he is appointing himself chair of the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, adding that he is immediately terminating multiple people from the board of trustees as well as the current chair.

Since President Trump made the announcement, his minions have been busy creating an exciting calendar of events to showcase America’s greatness. Coming up in 2025!

• Black tie McDonald’s dinner – April
• Lee Greenwood sings a tribute to Donald Trump: ‘How Great Thou Art’ – April
• Ted Nugent unplugged, sitting on a golden toilet! – May
• Honoring the art and poetry of Kid Rock – May
• Comedy and high-jinx with the Bibi Netanyahu review – May
• Celebration honoring the New Orleans Archdiocese – June
• Hillbilly Folk Art exhibition – June
• Lee Greenwood sings a tribute to the life and work of Stephen Miller: ‘Bodies’ – July
• Enforced minority sterilization symposium – July
• America’s greatest racist graffiti artists’ exhibit – July
• Rockin’ with the Mormon Tabernacle choir – August
• CONTINUE RACISM charity performance with Jason Aldean – August
• ‘Punch an environmentalist’ fundraiser sponsored by Aramco – August
• Forbidden art celebrity bonfire hosted by Scott Baio – September
• Rebranding ‘President’s Day’ to ‘Most esteemed stable genius Donald J. Trump Day’ – September
• White History Month – September
• Fundraiser for professional athlete spousal abuse offenders – October
• Elon Musk ball sucking marathon – October
• Lee Greenwood tribute: ‘The songs of Lee Greenwood’ featuring Carrie Underwood – November
• Enforced pregnancy coordination luncheon – November
• Taco Bell banquet night [including golden vomitorium!] – December
• God Bless America prayer breakfast and book burning – December
• Christmas fundraiser for the capture and flogging of Greta Thundberg – December
• Celebrity roast! This year’s esteemed guest – the prince of darkness himself: SATAN- TBD

The Center will also be sponsoring additional events throughout the year, including the 1st annual human hunt in August. Location to be determined. This year’s surprise guest: Taylor Swift. [please don’t spoil the surprise!]

We are also proud to sponsor the annual NAMBLA convention, starting in 2026! Contact any Republican Party headquarters to reserve a spot TODAY. Entertainment provided by The Village People!

*Breaking News!* Due to overwhelming demand, the NAMBLA convention has been extended for another week. Make your reservation before it’s too late!

And finally, in honor of the man who Donald Trump credits as his mentor, and in order to make the Kennedy Center EVEN BETTER, the president has decided to get rid of that nasty old KENNEDY name once and for all!

A special ceremony will be held next month for the grand opening of the new ROY COHN Center for the Performing Arts!

Newly redecorated, all in white!

Hope to see you in 2025!