Hey, hi.

I’m an intergalactic space traveler and I just have a few things I’d like to say to the people of Earth.

First of all, I want you to know that there are millions of people just like me out there zooming around the universe in all sorts of spacecraft. It’s relatively easy once you understand the science. Crossing the vast distances from galaxy to galaxy is like driving round the corner to the supermarket for me.

Some space-faring cultures like to explore; they come for the adventure…Some come for the water; some want to siphon off the latent energy produced by your planet’s molten core; some come to Earth for an exciting vacation option; others want to conquer and exploit.

There are no doubt a few who just enjoy the taste of humans…

Me? I come for the fruit. That’s right: FRUIT.

The people on my planet perfected intergalactic travel long ago so now we travel throughout the universe in search of new flavors and spices to add to our diet. We have everything else we need, and we can go anywhere, any time; so why not?

The universe is as varied and diverse as you can possibly imagine. Life is scattered in every corner of the farthest reaches of the vast universe that we dwell in…but there are other universes as well.

I want you to know this.

I also want you to know that the universe is for the most part populated by people who look just like you and me; not little green men. Sure, there are some of those, but the human form – to varying degrees – is the most prevalent. This is mostly down to the fact that for billions of years our people have helped seed and nurture human life on other planets as well their own.

That’s right: humans were “seeded” all over the universe a very long time ago and we have thrived, along with many other interesting life forms. The universe is literally teeming with life!

I could pass for one of your people on the street, but if I were to see a physician they would be able to tell the difference in the function and placement of certain internal organs…otherwise I look just like you.

But I try to avoid contact at all costs. I just want to sample your fruit, honestly!

I want you to know that your planet is basically a backwater burgh stuck in a lonely, desolate part of the galaxy you call the ‘Milky Way.’ You are far away from the nearest trade routes so it’s kind of a pain in the ass to get here but for me it’s worth it. [I love that, btw…’Milky Way’…clever…]

Interstellar travelers know that Earth’s population is still fairly unevolved. We steer away from it as much as possible, and we all know that we’re taking our lives into our hands whenever we visit your little corner of the universe. I’ve had a few close calls myself…

It’s interesting to note that the first ‘alien’ contact cases recorded on your planet back in the mid-1950s weren’t with grey aliens or little green men. They were with creatures who looked like me: human. People like George Adamski, Howard Menger, Paul Villa and others were contacted by aliens whom they always described as some sort of Aryan gods…tall, blond, blue-eyed, etc…

…but really, they were just very healthy!

The visitors always seemed to confuse these contactees by saying they were from Venus or Mars or whatever; when what they really said was, “we live on bases on Venus and Mars.” It’s not like we’re walking around on the surface or anything.

It’s called technology. We have bases all over your solar system, by the way. There are like, four different bases on the Moon…a couple on Mars…big deal. Been there, done that.

Also interesting to note that the messages given to these early ‘alien’ contactees were consistent, direct, and urgent:

One: STOP NUCLEAR TESTING; and,

Two: YOU ARE DESTROYING THE ENVIRONMENT.

Human activity will permanently ruin Earth’s environment and if steps are not taken immediately there will be serious consequences for all of humanity.

We really tried to ‘hammer’ these points home, as you say. Over and over again: stop the nuclear madness. Stop destroying the environment. Climate change is real. It was real then and it’s way worse now.

It’s been over seventy years since my people tried to warn you about this. Did you listen?

You know the answer to that question.

Instead, the US government [such as it is…] made a pact with the lowest scum in the universe: the ones you call the ‘Greys.’ These are malevolent beings who are utterly indifferent to humanity’s fate.

All the Americans wanted to do was find new ways to kill people on Earth using alien technology!

Which brings me to my other point, which is this: all of the governments on Earth SUCK. They are lying to you about virtually everything, especially in the ‘United States.’ The USA has a whole lot of high technology which they are using for nefarious purposes, when they could be using it to help humanity. Instead, greedy individuals like Elon Musk, Robert Bigelow Peter Theil and a few evil corporations are profiting off of technology they barely understand.

Y’all are still about a thousand years behind us technologically…to use a local colloquialism [“Y’all.” Love that!]

And yet your Earth governments spend trillions of dollars trying to perfect stuff they aren’t meant to handle. You haven’t evolved to that point yet. Y’all are basically living on the Planet of the Apes while a few privileged people in high places have access to what is essentially “magical” technology. That’s just not right.

They can cure ALL DISEASE right now.

They can stop all the wars.

They can end hunger a hundred times over.

They can clean up the water and the air and all the nuclear waste.

“Free energy” is real and it is being kept from you for the sake of the greedy few who control the Earth’s economy.

You currently have the technology to travel faster than light. Einstein was right about a lot of things, but there was one BIG thing he got wrong. In his later years he sought to correct this; unfortunately he died literally while working on the problem…

My point is that your evolution as spiritual, eternal beings is being purposely held back. Earth is basically a prison planet where the vast majority of the population is enslaved by a tiny, extremely wealthy and powerful minority.

But we aren’t allowed to intervene in any way with a planet’s evolution…or in Earth’s case, DE-evolution. There are universal laws regarding this which I won’t discuss here.

We won’t get involved in Earth’s affairs unless you start fucking around with nukes again! You people blew holes in your upper atmosphere with hydrogen bombs and then you tried to blame global warming or ‘greenhouse gases’ or ‘climate change’ or some such nonsense.

How can you allow these lunatics to run your affairs? There are way more of you than there are of them. Just saying.

Seriously, if anyone tries to blow up the planet with nukes we won’t let that happen. You can be sure of that. Not because we love you all so much or anything…although we do love you…but because that shit tears holes in the space-time continuum, and we cannot allow any more of that. That is some DANGEROUS shit.

Y’all are playing with fire and you have no idea what you’re dealing with.

I want you to know this.

The US government just wasted another trillion dollars upgrading their entire nuclear arsenal for one purpose and one purpose only: to further enrich the weapons makers. WTF?

One more thing; and this is a big one: we always get asked if we believe in God. What is it with you people and God? Why at this point in your evolution do you still need to worship superior beings or gods or kings or lords or any of that? Why is this such a big deal with you people?

We give you the same answer every time: “God” is everywhere and every thing. God is in the water you drink and in the air you breathe. God is in every star and galaxy and planet and in every grain of sand and every creature in the universe. Sometimes you people get the message; sometimes you don’t. It depends on how steeped you are in superstition and mythology…

In any case, please, for the sake of my people – and others like me throughout the galaxy – for god’s sake stop asking us about God!

Try to EVOLVE.

And stop destroying your beautiful planet! I really like bananas. And strawberries. And a bunch of other wonderful flavors. Some of this stuff you can’t find anywhere else in the universe! Seriously, stop killing the planet before it’s too late.

Anyway, that is all I have to say. Whew! Thanks for listening.

Okay, gotta go now. My home planet is so far away, your telescopes haven’t even found us yet..!

Takes about 20 minutes to get there.

Bye, y’all!