Tearing down and setting up.

That’s the worst thing about playing drums in a classic rock band. Especially at my age. Tearing them down, packing them in the van; taking them out of the van; setting them up; tearing them down again, cramming them in the van and hauling them back again. Doing all of this, besides actually playing drums for three hours is a big pain in the ass for an old fart like me.

If only I could find some decent roadies to lug them around that would be much easier. Someone to loosen and tighten all those knobs while I go have a cold beer. Even if I had drum cases for them – which I am too lazy to bother with – it would still be a hassle loading and unloading those things. That’s the price I pay for being a drummer.

Ever heard the joke about drummers?

Q: What do they call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Ha fucking ha.

All I know is I’ve wanted to play the drums ever since I was a kid. I’ve always wanted to bang on shit. What kid doesn’t want to play the drums? I’ve never met one. Even the most non-musical, introverted little wallflower hand-holding kid can’t resist. Their faces light up as soon as they jump onto the seat and start banging away…it never fails! I can only hope that holding the sticks and hitting the drums will somehow inspire them to get into music.

A lot of great guitar players started on drums: Frank Zappa. Skip Spence. Dave Grohl. Keith Strickland of the B52s…

I never took any lessons. I never had a drum kit as a child and I was never in band in school. My parents were not musical in any way, but at least they did listen to good music. A healthy dose of late-era Beatles, Joe Cocker, Al Green, Eric Clapton, the Temptations, Four Tops, Aretha, Motown – even some Gospel.

I would keep the beat using my lap as a drumset.

Q: Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A: Me neither.

As far as “influences” go, Ringo Starr was my favorite drummer growing up. Later I discovered people like Buddy Rich, Louie Belson, Gene Krupa, Keith Moon, Mitch Mitchell, Ginger Baker…and much later I grew to admire John Bonham, Led Zeppelin’s lead-footed drummer. All of these guys were arrogant, belligerent, flamboyant players who used the traditional drum set as a thunderous, powerful, incredibly loud, lead instrument.

Keith Moon especially had an influence on me. Not so much his style but more his attitude. He approached the drums like no one else before or since, flailing around behind the kit, playing lightning fast runs and incredible fills that nobody in their right mind would even attempt. All while keeping perfect time (Most of the time, at least…)! Except for that time he passed out behind the kit after taking a handful of animal tranquilizers and had to be dragged off stage. The other band members called up an audience member to sit in for the rest of the show.

But when he was sober (relatively), Keith Moon played like no other drummer before or since. He would attempt insane fills and runs nobody in their right mind would even try and still get back to the One. Moon’s style was so unconventional it remains virtually impossible to emulate. He kept the beat by pumping two bass drums with both his feet, and instead of using the high-hat to drive the rhythm – like most players – he employed a constant, cacophonic roar behind an array of the crash cymbals.

Whereas most drummers use a standard set up consisting of a bass drum, snare, tom-tom, high-hat, a cymbal or two and maybe a floor tom, Keith Moon had no fewer than fifteen drums of all sizes and shapes mounted in an enormous wraparound configuration. Suspended directly behind him was a gigantic Japanese gong which he used exactly twice during the Who’s set. Of course he died young due to years of excess.

Like other old-school drummers like Ringo and Rolling Stone’s drummer Charlie Watts – Moon never did drum solos. He thought the idea was absurd. After all, every song was a solo for Keith.

The same cannot be said for famous players like Neil Peart, Ginger Baker or John Bonham, who would routinely play solos lasting an excruciating thirty minutes or more. You have to be REALLY stoned to sit through something like that…even coming from another drummer.

Q: What’s the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
A: One will mature and make money.

Drums are a strange sort of instrument. They are part mechanical and part musical – primitive; basic, as old as civilization and yet utterly essential to the vast majority of contemporary music. As long as people have been able to bang stuff together, there’s been music.

I play bass, guitar, and a little piano – but by far my favorite instrument is drums. It’s the most fun to play. What’s not to like? You get to pound on stuff and make a bunch of noise. You can hit them really hard and take out your aggression without hurting anyone.

Also, when you play drums, you are the beat. It’s quite liberating and therapeutic to be able to beat the shit out of something that’s built to take it. But it is also a huge responsibility. Without a solid beat the rest of it falls apart. You gotta be rock solid and not get too flashy. And don’t consume too much alcohol or other substances, or the beat will start to drag.

Good drummers are hard to find, though. They don’t understand nuance at all. They just pound the shit out of them, even on the softer stuff.

Some drummers are good, but unreliable. Some have crazy girlfriends or are just assholes or have other personality issues…usually a drinking problem…or they’re meth heads. There’s nothing worse than a drunken meth addict asshole drummer!

Q: What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

In theory, drumming isn’t all that hard to do. In theory. You just need a good sense of rhythm and timing…which I’ve learned a lot of people don’t naturally have, unfortunately.

And of course you have to be able to afford the goddam things!

Anyway, here’s how it works:

First, you get a drum set. You sit on a stool behind the drums called appropriately enough the THRONE.

On the left (or right, depending on what hand you use…) you’ve got that thing with 2 cymbals – what they call the hi-hat, with a pedal – and in the center sits the bass drum. They come in various sizes. Bonham used a 28 incher, the biggest one he could get his hands on.

There is a pedal on the floor attached to the bass drum, which you step on, sort of like the gas pedal on a car. Only with a bit more subtlety.

Directly in front of you are one or two “toms” which can either be attached to the bass drum – like mine – or be mounted in their own stand anchored to the floor.

Then you have the floor tom which is bigger and is next to the bass drum on the floor (of all places…)

Surrounding the kit are cymbals of various sizes: ‘crash’ ‘splash’ and ‘ride’ are the standards.
Then you pick up the sticks and hit everything in sight!

Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
A: The poster child for Birth Control.

Ouch!

It keeps me in shape, though. It’s actually a very good workout. I sweat a lot to begin with, but I probably lose 3 or 4 pounds every time I play a gig. Of course it takes like a day to recover at my age, especially after my 4-glass wine limit [I’ve since given up drinking entirely…]. But it’s a big responsibility to keep all those grey hairs dancing out there on the dance floor.

Turns out drumming has been shown to benefit children with Autism as well as people with brain disorders. Sports scientists have concluded that drummers are comparable in their physical prowess to world-class sportsmen. The study determined that a rock & roll drummer is no different to an Olympic athlete.

That’s what I tell people, anyway.

So if you really want to piss parents off, encourage their kids to play drums. They’ll always remember you were the one, and they’ll never forgive you.

You will note that I haven’t used any sort of ‘technical’ terms like ‘para-diddles’ or ‘triplets’ or ‘buzz-rolls’ or what have you. That’s because I’m not sure what they mean.

I’m a drummer, after all. Gimme a break.

[Edited repost from 2019]