A message from Your Rulers

Greetings! Speaking on behalf of your rulers, thank you for at least trying. But try as you might, you just can’t win. As you can imagine, the last thing we want are any more violent uprisings involving major property damage. That will not be tolerated, as civil unrest can have a negative effect on global […]

where my damn money, bitches!

So hey, whatever happened to that second stimulus check that was supposed to be sent to every Umerkin? You know – the one that supposed to make up for the lousy twelve hundred bucks that a lot of people never got? The one that was supposed to actually go to working people instead of corporations? […]

just shut the hell up already

There is one thing I really hate: hypocrisy. Former president Barack Obama is a fine one to talk about protests. Obama recently spoke at an event sponsored by the My Brother’s Keeper Alliance, a program of the Obama Foundation, called Re-imagining Policing in the Wake of Continued Police Violence. Obama said shit like, “I hope […]

The ‘Jericho walk’

In one of the most bizarre moments of the tRump “administration” SO FAR, the “president” ordered his stormtroopers to forcefully remove peaceful protesters from an area in front of the Church of St John so he could look tough and get that now infamous photo of him taken holding up a [fake] Bible as he […]

Insanity

The country is dangerously unprepared to fight the spread of COVID-19 as the morons flock to beaches, parks, bars and restaurants with minimal protection and no federal guidance for the Memorial Day holiday. After the break, millions of Umerkins will be forced to work in unsafe conditions – in many cases against their will. The […]

FUCK ELON MUSK AND HIS STUPID BABY

They named the kid X Æ A-12 (it’s pronounced “Pretentious”). My question is: why does anyone give a shit about this asshat, anyway? Oh, right! He’s a billionaire. Sigh… I hate to break the news to everyone, but smug little Elon isn’t as brilliant as he claims to be. Why the global elite decided to […]

Lock them up!

There is no better example of just how housebroken and desperate many Americans are than the sight of all of those mass protests being held around the country by people demanding the right to die – literally – for the privilege of going back to work. The protesters say that the public safety measures restricting […]

The End Begins

Look what has become of this world! Not even I, in all my cynicism predicted things would go so profoundly wrong in my own lifetime! Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, right?! They just closed the border with Canada, FFS…the longest artificial border on Earth…how long before states follow suit? This is […]