Finally, the secret of BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK can be revealed to the world. From ancient tablets discovered in the mountains of Aku-Fludonia comes the little-known art of killing [or at least humiliating…] your enemies through the proper application of BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK.

One must be in harmony with all of one’s bodily fluids in order to even THINK about trying this at home.

Step one: identify your target [like that guy at the grocery store who accused you of being an INCEL..].

When you have identified a victim, you can’t just walk up and cold cock them upside the head.

Once you have acquired the skills necessary to properly administer BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK [you have reached the grade of Atempkin], you must announce your intentions to any potential victim and offer them a warning.

Step two: warn your victim. Something along the lines of:

“Dear sir, before I incapacitate you using the ancient art of BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK, I must first warn you of the ultimate pain which you are about to experience. I am deeply sorry to you and to any potential future progeny…”

Step three: administer the BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK

While they are consumed with fits of laughter, you must act with the swiftness of a low-flow flushing wind. Surprise is the key!

Quickly thrust your fist into the abdomen of your victim, causing them to stop laughing and double over in pain [BOOSH];

At the precise moment of maximum incapacitation, clasp both of your hands together over your head, and using the motion of a hummingbird carrying a bowling ball, come down hard on the back of your victim’s neck [CLUM];

As your victim tumbles forward, a discreet knee is lifted – swiftly yet subtly – into their face [TOONK], causing them to bounce back up again and keel over backwards, like a Looney Toons cartoon.

A properly administered, perfectly-timed TOONK can send a man flying up to seven feet.

You will be able to incapacitate any potential rivals using these three simple moves.