Finally, the secret of BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK can be revealed to the world. From ancient tablets discovered in the mountains of Aku-Fludonia comes the little-known art of killing [or at least humiliating…] your enemies through the proper application of BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK.

One must be in harmony with all of one’s bodily fluids in order to even THINK about trying this at home.

Step one: identify your target [like that guy at the grocery store who accused you of being an INCEL..].

When you have identified a victim, you can’t just walk up and cold cock them upside the head.

Once you have acquired the skills necessary to properly administer BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK [you have reached the grade of Atempkin], you must announce your intentions to any potential victim and offer them a warning.

Step two: warn your victim. Something along the lines of:

“Dear sir, before I incapacitate you using the ancient art of BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK, I must first warn you of the ultimate pain which you are about to experience. I am deeply sorry to you and to any potential future progeny…”

Step three: administer the BOOSH-CLUM-TOONK

While they are consumed with fits of laughter, you must act with the swiftness of a low-flow flushing wind. Surprise is the key!

Quickly thrust your fist into the abdomen of your victim, causing them to stop laughing, spit out their drink and double over in pain [BOOSH];

At the precise moment of maximum incapacitation, clasp both of your hands together over your head, and using the motion of a hummingbird carrying a bowling ball, come down hard on the back of your victim’s neck [CLUM];

As your victim tumbles forward, a discreet knee is lifted – swiftly yet subtly – into their face [TOONK], causing them to bounce back up again and keel over backwards, like a Looney Toons cartoon.

A properly administered, perfectly-timed TOONK can send a man flying up to seven feet.

You will be able to incapacitate any potential rivals using these three simple moves.